I've been chatting to a lot of my friends lately, and when I ask them how their dating lives are going they shake their head, sigh and say,
"I don't have time to go on first dates. What with work and friends, studying and going to the gym,
I don't have time for swiping and talking to strangers on my phone, let alone finding time in my week nights for dinner with a random"
Hearing this kills me!
Dating is not meant to be so hard!
We're here to help make it easier and so much more enjoyable.
Let me start by telling you it doesn't have to be like this.
Swiping isn't the only way to get that 'first date'
I'm going to let you in on a secret that the app companies will probably lynch me for.
At the risk of sounding obvious, you can be social with your friends and invite a potential date along at the same time, and guess what, it actually works perfectly!
You could be feeding two birds with one scone. (yup, that's a thing)
Instead of getting to know that potential new date, through the back and forth exchange of 'text tennis' or those highly stressful, first time, one on one 'catch ups',
why not break the norm and just invite them out with your friends and let other people help carry the conversation with you!
Have a regular social event in your calendar.
Get social doing the things you love with the people you love to do them with!
Here's how this works best.
Pick at least two days in a month and organise something fun to do. Anything you like the sound of.
Think, after work drinks, trivia, golf at Holey Moley, rock climbing, dinner parties, picnic by the harbour, the Bondi to Bronte walk, beach day, wine tasting, whatever takes your fancy,
Just set it up!
Now here's the important bit...
Consistency is key.
For this to actually work, you have to be consistent.
You've got to pinky swear that you will make the effort to meet up every fortnight, and do something fun and social.
Let me explain why this is so important for your dating life.
Dream with me for a second...
Let's imagine you meet a good looking and interesting guy on Wednesday, just outside your local coffee shop. (don't roll your eyes, this sh*t does actually happen!)
He's cute, he's funny and you start having a great conversation about
his love of almond milk lattes, and why he's got a soft spot for golden retrievers.
A few minutes pass, your conversation comes to a natural end,
you can feel him getting ready to exit stage right.
You're suddenly left with that awkward thought...
"I'd love to see this guy again, but he's not asked for my number yet, crap!
What do I do?"
If only you had a regular, consistent spot where you socialise with friends,
See where I'm going with this?
If you already have something planned (which, of course you would!) you'd never be more than 14 days away from doing something with someone that you could invite him too.
Without even trying, you have now positioned yourself as social, interesting and fun, and as far as he knows, you're not angling for a date. (Win, Win!)
Now, before the fear of 'asking him out' starts to set in, let me reassure you that
it's not needy, it's not desperate, it's not too forward and most importantly...
Its NOT actually asking him out!
Tell him these four words
Here's the secret on how to do it. Use these four simple, easy words:
This will take the pressure off and potentially give you an opportunity to see him again.
For context here's how you could say it,
"you seem really cool, I'm grabbing drinks with my mates on Friday, you should join us"
"You won't believe this, but I've got a morning walk from Bondi to Coogee planned with some friends, you should join us"
"I'm terrible at real golf, but I'm heading out to Holey Moley on Saturday evening with my friends. You should join us"
I've seen this work, time and time again, mainly because of three things:
You're not asking for his number directly and therefore not hitting on him
There is no pressure for him to join you or even say yes, its non committal
You come across social, fun and interesting! Who doesn't love that
It’s nonchalant, low risk and it’s playing with the idea that it’s not necessarily a date, just a meet up. It’s an opportunity to see each other again and he can even bring his mates if he wants!.
The end game is to spend more time with this person to find out if you like him.
There's nothing in the rule books that says that getting to know him has to be a one on one deal.
The beauty of this approach is that if you decide you like him, you already have his number and you can get your flirt on, and if you decide you don't then, no harm no foul.
You were just being social and who knows, maybe one of your mates will hit it off with him.
Showing your social side communicates your value.
We believe that you should create a social life, that serves your dating life, and a dating life that serves your love life.
This strategy positions you as a confident and high value woman (which I know you are) and you demonstrate that you are the kind of woman who has things going on in her social life.
Social confidence is sexy, awkward first dates... Not so much!
So remember those 4 little words..
"You should join us"
Try it and let us know how you go.