Is The Fear Of Better Options (FOBO) Ruining Your Dating Life?
You’ve probably heard of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) and JOMO (Joy Of Missing Out),
but now there’s a new acronym in town and it might be ruining your dating life!
What the hell is FOBO I hear you ask?
Well, FOBO stands for a Fear Of Better Options and I first read about it in a New York Times article.
Patrick McGinnis, who coined the term, describes how the concept of FOBO is making us unhappy, overwhelmed, and non-committal decision makers.
Essentially FOBO is the relentless pursuit of all possible options for fear that you miss out on the “best” one, and no better example comes to mind than the modern world of dating and dating apps.
Think about it. Firstly, the variety of apps available is astounding.
There’s the standard Tinder, Bumble, Happn, Hinge, the more exclusive Raya, and then the lesser known Coffee Meets Bagel, or Plenty Of Fish.
Then once you’ve strategically picked your photos and set up your profile it’s a marathon swiping event to match with a prospective date.
The problem is we have so many options that we end up juggling 10 different conversations, half-heartedly replying in an attempt to elevate small talk to medium talk and get the guy from screen to sitting in front of you ASAP.
What happens along this whole process is FOBO.
You don’t commit to coffee on Saturday with Steve because you’re waiting for Tom to text back.
Or you go out for drinks with Dave and because you didn’t fall head over heels for him, you don’t even consider a second date.
Or you’re convinced that Chris is just not that into you because he didn’t reply in the last 2 hours.
I get it. I’ve been there too.
Before I started to drill down into the values I was looking for in a guy, and what kind of relationship I wanted, I dated haphazardly and ultimately burnt myself out.
I was going from date to date, thinking that meeting Mr. Right was just a numbers game.
Boy, was I wrong!
When I started to learn about and use the #DateDifferently strategies, my whole mindset around dating changed.
I let go of FOBO and instead embraced JODI, an acronym I made up which stands for...
Joy Of Dating Intentionally.
JODI is all about changing your mindset to realise that Mr. Right could be right in front of you!
But you won’t know that from a 5-minute conversation or a few photos from Bumble.
It takes time and a change in the way you approach the way you think, meet, engage, and attract men.
Here are a few of the ways I took control of FOBO in my dating life, and learned to embrace JODI, so you can too.
1. I took a dating detox
I needed to let my mind have a break from all the men and dates I had been going on
Clear my head and focus on myself. Catch up with my girlfriends, make time for my passions and interests, and think about what a happy and whole life would look like in terms of work, play, and of course relationships.
Click here to download a FREE Copy of our #DateDifferently Dating Detox Guide!
2. I figured out what kind of guy I was looking for
I’m a morning person, hand-on-heart. I love nothing more than getting up early on a Saturday for the coastal walk and a coffee,
so I quickly realised I wasn’t going to find my Mr. Right cutting shapes on the dance floor at 2am on a Saturday night.
He was more likely to be with his mates having a couple of beers at a pub, watching the footy and then calling it a night so he could get up for a run the next day.
Remember it’s the Joy Of Dating INTENTIONALLY.
This one strategy helped me immensely because although I don’t mind a glass or two of rosé, I much prefer coffee and a walk somewhere on the first date so I could get to know the guy a bit better.
3. I adopted a ‘less is more’ mantra
One dating app, one date at a time.
Stop triple booking yourself for dates on a Saturday – you aren’t doing yourself or your energy levels any favours!
Seriously though, go on less dates. Be more invested in making good conversation and stop worrying about what the outcome will be.
When I started doing this, I noticed that even if there was no romantic attraction with the guy I was with, I had a great time!
It was a chance to be curious in our conversation, learn about his life, how he viewed the world, and maybe even learn something new!
4. Flip a coin
If you find it hard deciding where to go on your date or what to wear, narrow down your choices to two options and flip a coin.
Sometimes we get so bogged down in wearing the perfect dress or picking the coolest café that we lose sight of what the experience is all about – being present and engaging with the person you’re meeting.
Remember all of these practices will help free up your headspace to make dating fun again!
That's essentially what our #DateDifferently Strategy is all about...
Making dating fun again!
P.S. I know dating can be hard and it can sometimes feel like its more of a mind f*ck then you actually signed up for.
If this is how you feel right now, the have a quick read of Russy's Dating Detox Guide.
It might help get your head in the game. Download it here.