Last week on instagram, I saw this post that simply said;
Do you know what’s sexy?
A real conversation.
I immediately agreed.
It was no surprise that the word ‘sexy’ (in the post) triggered my boy brain.
I started to think about all the women I had met and dated in my past.
What was ‘sexy’ about them?
What kept me coming back for that second, third and fourth date?
The answer was simple…
Her ability to have a fun, engaging, flirty and interactive chat with me.
We often forget that the cornerstone to a successful dating life is honest communication. Something we don’t do very well in today's modern dating world.
When you can confidently interact with that guy you like, chat with him, banter with him, challenge him, flirt with him and even comfortably share your opinions and stories with him then…
You change the game.
To help you #DateDifferently (and to give you a headstart over all the other girls he is meeting and dating), here are my top 10 secrets to boost your social skills and keep you front of mind.
1. Don’t overthink it
When it comes to breaking the ice with a new guy, it’s very easy to get stuck in your head worrying about what he’s going to think of you.
Don’t let your nerves get the better of you.
Stop, take a deep breath and adopt the following new mindset before you go over:
“I am not going over because I like him, I’m going over to FIND OUT if I like him."
2. Don’t wait to say hello
We naturally have a “waiting mentality” and can often miss out on the opportunity to say hi to the guy.
It doesn’t matter if it’s your best friend's 30th birthday or the end of a regular yoga class, take a leap of faith and introduce yourself.
“Hi there, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Alexa, it’s nice to meet you”
It shows self-confidence, social awareness and it might even be the start of something great.
3. Take a genuine interest in him
Take a genuine interest in the guy you are talking to and explore what makes him, him!
Try to move away from the daily grind of work speak.
Find out what his passions are and don’t be afraid to get creative.
“If you could wake up anywhere in the world tomorrow, where would it be?”
We love to share things about ourselves, but only when we feel that someone is genuinely interested in what we have to say.
You will form a better connection with him, he will love chatting with you and he won’t even realise why.
4. Voice an opinion
There is nothing more forgettable than a women who agreeably blends into a conversation.
Don’t be afraid to express yourself or playfully disagree with him.
Challenge his ideas and express your own opinions.
”I hear what you’re saying, but I actually have a very different take on this. Are you open minded?…”
It demonstrates individuality, self confidence and can provide a platform for healthy playful banter.
All very attractive traits that will keep you front of mind after you’re done chatting.
5. Find a common interest
“People like people who are like themselves”
Lead the conversation to find out if you have any common interests, such as growing up in the same city, going to the same university or even finding that you like the same bar or TV show.
Chat about these interests and share your stories.
Common ground is a natural rapport accelerator, it will build comfort with him and take the energy and emotion in the conversation to a positive place.
6. Be the point of difference
Whether you’re meeting for the first time or on the second date, avoid asking the questions of death.
“Where do you work?” or “Where are you from?”
Instead make the point of being more personable with a statement,
“You look like you might be an architect” or “You must be in the fashion industry.”
If you're wrong, that’s ok, he will politely correct you.
Such statements will set you apart from the rest and add life to the conversation. It will also switch him from idol chat-chat to conscious discussion and have him intrigued as to why you thought he was an ‘architect’.
7. Get expressive
Just because he asks you a boring question, doesn’t mean you need to give him a boring answer.
Instead of saying “I work in marketing, how about you?”
Consider expressing what you wanted to be when you were a kid
“I work in marketing, but when I was ten years old I really wanted to be a writer!”
Being more expressive can demonstrate your playfulness and personality and surprisingly will give him permission to be more playful in the conversation too, helping you to build rapport.
8. Say these three words to get him to open up
When he gets around to telling you what he does, don’t be afraid to use the phrase
“tell me more”
Have him explain what “Senior Investment Specialist” actually means, rather that just nodding and responding with a passive “ok cool” or “that’s awesome”.
Guys love to talk about the things they are good at.
It makes us feel valuable, interesting and relevant. This is important and coupled with a genuine interest, will leave him wanting to see you again.
9. Be present
This is non-negotiable!
If you truly want to leave a good first impression with him, don’t scan the room for someone better to talk to and don’t keep looking at your phone.
Keep good eye contact, actively listen to what he is saying and interact with the conversation.
Not being present is one of the biggest killers of getting a second or third date.
Being present will help you foster feelings of trust and comfort, providing a platform for him to be more vulnerable and open with you.
10. Work out an exit strategy
We all know that “I’m just popping to the toilet” is actually code for “I’m bored and I want out of this conversation.” It’s an instant rapport killer.
Develop an exit strategy that will work for both of you.
Say something like
“It was nice meeting you, will you excuse me while I just say hello to a friend? Maybe we can chat again later.”
It demonstrates that you're are socially aware, considerate and honest, but more importantly it puts a positive frame around your intention and allows for you to exit without being rude or bruising his ego.
So there you have it, everything you need to get your conversation on with the next good looking lad you meet.
Try it out and let me know how you go and just remember, one thing
Dating is meant to be fun, so get out there, meet some cool new guys to date, be safe and keep enjoying the journey, because the truth is...
You won’t be dating forever.