Growing up as a total nerd and failing with women over and over again found me wondering why I could not flirt
with people like the cool lads. What did they have that I didn’t, and why the hell did all the girls seem to love them more than me?
What’s the big secret that flirty people know that makes them so damn alluring?
It took a lifetime of self-development and a bloody long slog but I’ve figured it out. I now know these ‘big secrets’ and embarrassingly it’s not rocket science. In fact it is actually very simple, crazy obvious and definitely advice you would have heard before.
So here you have it, maybe this will save you 10 years of wondering. Here is what I have found are the 6 things that flirty people just do well:
6. They smile, but they do it slowly
It seems so obvious and a little bit cheesy, but we often forget about the hidden power that comes with that genuine smile. It’s not a new concept to us and every self-help book in the world has already told you to do it. So smile smile smile!
To be different; do it slowly, time it right and hell, maybe even throw in a wink.
5. They make great eye contact
Let’s face it, in today’s digital world; making effective eye contact seems to get lost in the mix. How often are you looking down, swiping, scrolling, poking or liking a post whilst chatting away to your mates.
We have become a very distracted bunch of people and I can guarantee you if you want to build an attraction with someone, you will need this bad boy in your bag of tricks.
To be different; When making eye contact, look through their eyes not at them, almost as if your looking right through them all together, and from time to time break away so you don’t look like a crazy axe wielding psychopath.
4. They listen to you, not just hear you
For a lot of us, having a conversation is mostly just waiting for your turn to speak. How often do you find yourself planning (in your head) your next sentence or topic, while the other person is still yacking away?
Research has found that we only really take in between 25% and 50% of what someone else is saying. Develop your self-awareness in this area and you will be perceived as being very present in a conversation.
To be different; Try active listening, make a conscious effort to not only hear what the other person is saying, but to summarise what they have said back to them in a slightly cheeky way
3. They assume familiarity, and it’s kinda’ nice.
There is no quicker way to create rapport with someone then to appeal to his subconscious mind. Assuming a level of familiarity with someone new, will not only put him at ease but also have him waking away after the conversation loving you, and not really knowing why. Familiarity is about emotions not about words.
To be different; Try to lose the unnatural formality that comes with meeting someone new and use a more casual tone, as though you’re continuing an earlier conversation.
Have you seen that Matt Damon film The Departed? Try to recreate the lift scene. Check it
2. They are social facilitators
Make it your mission in life to bring people together, and do this wherever you go and with no hidden agenda. Being a social facilitator is not just about socialising and hosting the best parties, it’s about providing a platform for people to meet and greet. It’s a place for you to grow your own social collateral.
To be different; Have BBQ’s, host drinks, run a book club or even just be the person that invites the office receptionist to coffee.
1. They take a genuine interest in people
This has got to be, in my opinion the number one trait of the flirty. On top of their ability to naturally smile, making great eye contact, listen well and make you feel like you’ve known them for years, they genuinely want to know what you’re all about. They seem to care, genuinely about what you got up to on the weekend, where you travelled last year or even who you dated last.
To be different; Take the time to train yourself to ask evoking, interesting questions related to what people are telling you and let them open up to you.
Yes, yes, flirty people also touch and show cleavage and use innuendo, but in a nutshell they do these six things really well, it’s not rocket science and definitely something you can be out doing today, even if you don’t think you are a traditionally flirty person.